Teacher Note #1

When you have students who are given a punishment to stay indoors when their class is outside playing, don't expect them to be productive by telling them to read or do homework. Just let them put their heads down. Otherwise, you have to deal with enforcing the expectation that you don't really care about in the moment on the third day of school and doling out consequences. They will resist because they are upset they can't be outside. If you do want them to be productive, make sure you have a reason why.

Job Search

Today I learned that I am the worst judge of my performance.

I had a job interview a couple weeks ago and thought I bombed the whole thing. I sent a PowerPoint I had created to one of the ELA teachers at the school I interviewed with (we'd talked about it during the interview) and received an email back from her that "I was a truly inspiring and passionate educator and she couldn't wait to see how my talent grows through my career". I started to feel a little better that I'd made a good impression on at least one of the people of the five in the room. My recruiter asked me for videos of my teaching to send to them and I thought it was to lessen the blow of an abysmal interview.

Back to today - My recruiter told me the panel that interviewed me actually thought I had the best answers to their questions of all the first year teacher candidates, but wished they could have seen me teach. Hence, videos. They ended up choosing someone with more teaching experience. I wondered until a few minutes ago what difference did it make that I was good if I still didn't get the job? Especially since it was for a reason that I couldn't help?

Through dinner, I started feeling better at this. Each positive comment builds my confidence. Whichever school does accept me, I can stand in front of my students confident that I belong there and that my passion is seen and for them, hopefully contagious.

I just wish there wasn't so much waiting.

No-so-divine appointment

I posted briefly on my Facebook page about a guy on the subway giving me his phone number. I had noticed him looking at me a couple of times, but I was really tired and fell asleep. He woke me up at Central Station, handing me his phone number.

"I didn't want to bother you because you were sleeping, but I'd like it if you called me some time." I groggily accepted the slip of paper.

I called Subway the next evening and we talked for almost an hour, basic get-to-know-you stuff. Rundown: 28, non-practicing Catholic, black, between jobs, aspiring graphic design student.* I happily headed off to bible study.

10:28: Text from Subway - Can you talk more?

12:26: Phone call straight to voice mail: Wish I could've gotten to talk to you again. Have a good night.

Saturday:
4:52 pm- Phone Call.
I sent him a text apologizing for not being able to get back to him the day before. I was studying, wouldn't be able to talk.
Reply: Try to call later. Please.

1:00 am - Text: Good night Miss. Sleep well.

Sunday:
3:23: Phone Call. I was at the bus stop, so I didn't pick up.

I returned his call about an hour later. With the amount he'd tried to contact me, I asked what his expectations for getting to know me were. Basically, friendship with the possibility of a relationship because he saw me and thought I was so beautiful and had some characteristics of his mom who is now deceased (!!).

To try to keep this short, since I have to get back to grading, I replied several times to this expectation that it wasn't going to happen because he wasn't a practicing Christian. It took a few minutes for this to sink in. He then asked if I would teach him. I said I would be excited to invite him to church or to my bible study if he were genuinely interested in knowing God for himself and not to get to know me. Silence. I said he could get back to me on whether he would want to be friends without the potential for anything further. I'm not really expecting to hear from him again. Being in this program has the additional plus side that I am more blunt because I don't have time to waste on fruitless conversations.


*I just realized that this combination is a mix of my exes when I met them. weeeeird.

Dating, or a treatise on being figuratively singed and putting out fires

Okay, so this isn't actually a treatise. I just liked the way it sounded.

So in 2011, in an effort to stop feeling sorry for myself in the face of disappointed hopes, I trolled a few dating websites looking for people to meet. With the amount of work I have for my program, I thought it would be fine to look to date for fun, so the person's spiritual life didn't matter.

I'd been emailing back and forth with two of them for three weeks now. This post is just about one of them. Drake* lives in NY and was looking specifically for a black woman who is cute and sincere. By answering, I did not think I was falsely promoting myself as either. ;) After sending 2 page long emails back and forth, I liked the way he wrote and presented himself. We had a lot in common. I started thinking that maybe there could be more there. So I asked how he felt about God in my last email, and was hurt to find out that my being a Christian was a major deal-breaker. (My tenses may be mixed because our correspondence just ended an hour ago.)

I was surprised that after so short a time, my emotions had betrayed me as being already emotionally invested in this person's 'voice'. It had reminded me a little of when online dating began - You've Got Mail style - including his aol address.

I've been thinking whether the hurt was easily acquired because I was so willing for my feelings, wasted on one person, to be attributed to a more worthy focus? Not speaking specifically for this correspondent but to someone who felt they could return what I felt? With these questions I am reminded of the adage 'playing with fire'. With my eyes open, I walked into a situation I knew could be potentially harmful. I am thankful I asked how he felt before we'd made a bigger investment in getting to know one another. One fire doused.

Enough of my foolishness. It is once again time for me to return to the Lord's embrace and focus on him and guard my heart rather than leave it outside where it can be overwhelmed by a brushfire.

Growing Up with Mr. Bennet

It is no secret to my friends that I love Jane Austen. Her books entertain me in an idle hour and console me in a distressed one. (Do you know which novel I just quoted?) I've spent too much time comparing my life to Austen novels, but here I go again.

Yesterday, I realized that my mom is just like Mr. Bennet, Lizzy's father in Pride and Prejudice. Lizzy cautions her father not to let her silly youngest sister go to Brighton, but her father waves her off because "there will be no peace at Longbourn if Lydia does not go to Brighton". He values his peace over everything else.

My mom is the same way with my little sister, who is 16. (Lydia is not yet 16 in the novel.) She doesn't want to deal with my sister's tantrums, so she gives her whatever she wants, without reflecting on how her actions affect my sister's choices. The incident that called Mr. Bennet to mind yesterday was my mom allowing my sister to visit her boyfriend in North Jersey for a week by herself. A boyfriend who hadn't supported her while she was pregnant with his child, most likely conceived on one of these unsupervised trips she takes.

I've tried getting my sister to be more reasonable with no success. Trying to figure out how to talk to my mom. Could use a bit of Lizzy's spirit right now.

Mini-Reflection on Teaching

After four months in the classroom, I am assured of a few things I thought in the beginning.

1) I love teaching English. I love reading with the kids and discussing big ideas about literature with them.

2) I want to do whatever it takes to reach the kids that disrespect me. I know this sounds convoluted, but I want to know how they got to this point where they no longer try and I want to reverse the process somehow. Statistics say that females, white and asian students are the most successful students in BPS. I want to find the strategies that can make boys, Latino and African-American students as successful.

And...we're back!

::Dusts off Blogger::

I have been scolded for being absent so long. To the five of you out there who actually read my blog, I am sorry. :)

I hope you have had a Merry Christmas and are eagerly awaiting the new year. I have a unit of lesson plans and a 12 page paper between me and the new year, so I am not quite ready yet.

This is just a brief message, but I'll be on again later to talk about how the teaching is going since it is likely that I will be snowed in.

Love!
Latyn